Shirley MacLaine, 1983 Academy Awards
Films and life are like clay, waiting for us to mold it. And when you trust your own insides and that becomes achievement, it’s a kind of principle that seems to me is at work with everyone. God bless that principle. God bless that potential that we all have for making anything possible if we think we deserve it.

Oscars……”you have giving me the STIRRINGS” ..

how do you deal with the jealousy and the hard look in the mirror that your not there. This can be brutal, funny,sad,depressing, inspiring, a reality check, and if your human it could be all of those…right?

I have tried something with film festivals that I take on in my approach to being apart of the Oscars. If I don’t have something being represented there in some capacity or a friend does not that i can go join and support then I don’t “HAVE” to be there and for whatever reason I did not earn the right to be there. Just like an actor has to EARN THE RIGHT TO DIE in a film and not just plop over and stick his tongue out.

I have never been to Sundance yet for this reason but oh am i ever so close..

I have presented a short film in CANNES FILM FESTIVAL 2008 and I DID GO and haven’t gone for 2 years and this week I was told another film I just wrapped ” SILVERCASE” will premiere in Cannes at the Palais des Festival, so I earned it if i want it this year. Same goes for Uncle Oscar if I want to go and be apart it I got to go get it and sometimes when I watch and do a little daydreaming I can almost see my spirit in a laughter of spazzy , sleepy James Franco or see a Colin Firth smile a smile of being honored to be around other amazing actors and I notice that same smile in me when I realize how many great actors I have worked with. These are little flavors of my spirit that are already there at the Oscars waiting for the rest of me to come. Sounds wild,but try and see if u can’t find a few people that have a little of you in them. People you admire. You can use this for just about any arena you want to be in and can’t quite “realistically” see yourself in.

This is all getting at the PINK ELEPHANT.

There are so many people who have what you don’t and you wether you have found it or not YOU HAVE something EVERYBODY  else wants. Your bestie wants your breasts and thinks they are why you keep getting booked. (BY CD’S NOT CHARLIE SHEEN’S PRIVATE CASTING CALLS THAT IS). Your neighbor wants your agent, your agent wants your friend who CURRENTLY books more than you and so on and filthy so on. It is SO not your job to worry about any of that.

..alot of time we waste our energy and  it’s avoidance of something else we don’t dare take a good look at. Are you doing all you can with what you have now? You probably don’t realize you have soo many avenues nowadays to get out there and be specific about what and how you want to be thought of in this industry.

FEAR is at the prickly little stem of this rose. This isn’t the run of the mill fear that we have beaten time and time again. Like stagefright which some of us had to overcome in some point in our careers and I know I get it a little from time to time, mostly only when I do theater before opening night though or in a new acting class sometimes. You can SEE and SMELL that type of fear , but what about the kind of FEAR  that keeps you from doing a workshop with that Casting Director who you want to respect you when he DOES FINALLY GET TO MEET YOU… so you don’t want to be seen in his workshop,because if you had to pay to see him he or her couldn’t possibly respect you as an actor like the ones he calls purposely everytime he has a new project. The kind of fear that makes you stay in a MFA acting program when you have been acting for 16 years already and can’t handle real hollywood rejection. The kind of fear that I have dealt with was hidden a bit last year by staying busy “making contacts” on set as i was a script supervisor,D.i.t. red technician, and even about a million other jobs I am able to do on set. NOW don’t get me wrong I was sooo blessed to work on these film jobs last year and I gave everything I had doing all that, and learned a ton, paid bills, begin showing a strong work ethic to peers who continue to call me for more work. I was able to “Squeeze” in 3 features acting in various roles and a few other award winning shorts. I say squeeze because after doing 3 weeks at 12-14 hours a day and after travel and a little prep time each night we are looking at 16 hour days, how much room was left for acting? but I’m  a professional so I pushed a few more hours in to get in the preparation that the roles required. some say that’s the nature of the beast. a friend of mine who I had been talking to said it sounded like i am doing all this stuff just to act in films and that although being around films was cool it was a roundabout way of getting in the movies. I have been training in some well known theaters, worked with some of the best teachers, and even went to do film school to further understand how to direct and write. After 16 years of acting training and growing up on the outskirts of La in Long Beach I have never done the Hollywood part of my career until really last year. Last year i spent doing everything but ACTING!. crazy what am i thinking! I know alot of people who do several jobs because that’s what we have to do, but what if you could do just one of things you want to do, how can you get there faster? So maybe try writing down all the things your doing now and which ones are counterintuitive to just ACTING. You guys are so powerful when you let the universe know what you want and begin being more pro active about getting it. So I hope when I watch the Oscar’s next year if i don’t see you there I will see shimmers of your spirit there ready for your BODY self to meet rejoin it.

I was rockin this power song that I played the day of the Oscar’s. Hope u LIKE! MUCH LOVE!!

BEE GEE’S “STAYIN ALIVE” REMIX BY TEDDY BEARS

http://hypem.com/#!/item/snp3/Bee+Gees+-+Stayin+Alive+Teddybears+Remix+